Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
