I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
