i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
