You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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