Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
