Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
