I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
