I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
