I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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