i just wanna soil my oats bro
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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