I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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