If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
