I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
