oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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