never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
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