from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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