I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
