Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
