I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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