Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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