The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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