well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
