ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
