Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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