don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
