She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
