Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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