I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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