I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
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I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright