the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
there is glitter all over my balls
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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