I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
