I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
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So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
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i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.