That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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