Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
