I smell stomach acid.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
