Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
