Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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