new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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