Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
