Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
