So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
