Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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