I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
