piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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