batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
