He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize