The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
