the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
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