You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
