I am midnight drunk by noon
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
