I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I didn't notice because vodka
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
