If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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