If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
we're so committed to being not committed
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
