i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
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