When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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