so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
