So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
