I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
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