I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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