i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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