Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
