I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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