My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
