He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
