Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
