it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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