I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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