so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
