Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
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Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
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I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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