My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
