I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
