I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's blow job season.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
