omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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