Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
