how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
