I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize