i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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