just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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